Nov 21, 2008 4:58 pm US/Pacific
Good Question: Where Do Manners Come From
SACRAMENTO (CBS13) ―
Parent, it's their job to teach their kids good manners. Debbie from Stockton wrote to ask, "why are you supposed to keep your elbows off the table?" I went to a food and culture expert for the answer.
Charlotte Biltekoff, a UC Davis assistant professor, explains so many things we do today are based on very old traditions.
"It certainly arises from a long history beginning in the late middle ages when we started to internalize lots and lots of codes about how to hold our bodies," said Charlotte.
Yes, she said we're following rules from the middle ages!
"Shame and embarrassment sort of emerged in that time and a much more impulsive culture became much more self-contained and self-controlled and self-conscious and a lot of the manners in our culture emerged from this time period," said Charlotte.
They were also battling disease and it was important to show you were healthy.
"So, by not leaning on our elbows one of the most important things that we communicate is that we're strong enough to hold our bodies erect and that we're healthy enough to have proper carriage and that we understand the rules of comportment and have enough self-control and self-possession to maintain that kind of posture at the table," said Charlotte.
And Charlotte says that even though we're a long way from the middle ages, the rules still play a social role today.
"If you put your elbows on the table you can lean from one side to the other and take up more space than is acceptable," said Charlotte.
Charlotte says manners help us communicate what we feel about ourselves and how we fit in the broader social order. "It's still very important in our culture to communicate self-control, willpower and restraint," said Charlotte. We are how we eat not just what we eat!
And even though things have relaxed, Emily Post says the only time you can put your elbows on the table is when you're at home and sick.
"This might be a fine point, but doing this seems a whole lot different from resting one elbow on the table for example...are there shades of gray?" said Charlotte. "Well,some etiquette writers suggest that if you have so mastered the form of self-possession -- if you have so convinced people around you that you are so convinced and self-controlled you might delicately rest your elbow on the table."
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